Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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