I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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