the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
