Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
