I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
