So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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