everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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