i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
