she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Randomize
