i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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