last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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