im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
