I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
