he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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