there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize