i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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