We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
