i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
