I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
