So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
