we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
