can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
