I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
