well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
bring money and cleavage
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
