how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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