unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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