she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
