So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
