you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
