Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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