I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
