my mouth tastes like poor choices
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
