And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
