I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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