my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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