So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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