Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
