I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
