I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
