Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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