R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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