one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
