HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
