My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
