Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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