marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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