btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
