I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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