I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sext me about skeletons
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
