I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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