I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still have a little drunk in my system
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
