Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
