Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
