i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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